I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
