definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
