I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Floor bacon is actually really good
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
