It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
