I have demons in me.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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