Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
