i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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