I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
