I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
