it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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