he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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