I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
