So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
