she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We have so much sex to catch up on
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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