I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
