I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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