Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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