i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
