how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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