There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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