there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
