My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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