You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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