i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
