i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
