69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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