I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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