Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
