Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize