just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
