ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
