He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
