he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
