there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
