I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i barfeds in our rink
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
