He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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