Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
