go do what you do best...puke behind churches
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize