Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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