My cat gives me a boner
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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