is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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