Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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