I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
