Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize