Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
