ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
