I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
