I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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