I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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