doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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