if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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