Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
