I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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