ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
