Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
