I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
