LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
