If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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