It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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