So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
