I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
