I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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