just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
