My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
