Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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