He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
