I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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