This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize