I wanna passion pit in your ass
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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