you would pick up someone in the library
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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