he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
