Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
