He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
