what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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