i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
