they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
