He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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