i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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