dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
