Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize