sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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