I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
