Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
