i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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