Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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