theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
