So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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