A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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