How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
