Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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