Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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