Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
