Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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