yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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