I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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