Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
