He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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