Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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