I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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