i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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