I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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