We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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