sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
