Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
