I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize