Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
