She said her name was "party"
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
