How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She announced her abortion via fbk
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
