nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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