Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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