my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
