Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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