I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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