I can't breathe out the right side of my face
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
