i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
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